Well, I should probably explain my absence. And what better way to explain than through a lengthy blog post?
So here’s the thing, I have this really useless and annoying skill. I’m incredibly good at avoiding things that need doing. I’ll avoid doing simple, easy things even if it makes my life harder to avoid doing them. I’ll often hide from things for so long that all of a sudden they’ll become a bit of an issue. And the more of an issue they become the more I’ll avoid doing them. It’s a horrible and pointless cycle, but like I say, I’m great at doing it.
One of my best examples of this was back when I was at college. We had to do IT at college, it was compulsory, no exceptions. I hated my first IT lesson, it was tedious. I knew it all already and didn’t want to spend an hour a week doing some stupid project. So I skipped a class, it was just the one, no big deal. A drama trip and illness meant that I missed another 2 classes. When I returned to college I knew that it was very important to get back to IT, I’d not been there for 3 weeks and I was pretty far behind.
Throughout the day the pressure became unbearable for me. I started thinking about how behind I would be, I spoke to a few people who had almost finished all their coursework. I started to worry. I worried so much that when I got to the classroom door I couldn’t go in. I turned around and went home. I went through this process every week for the next 5 months. Yes, that’s right…5 months. Why my college didn’t do anything about this, I don’t know. If I’d been given a boot up the arse it would have been easier to go back. I didn’t want to be the one to go into that room and explain to the teacher that I’d only been to the first lesson and hadn’t even touched the coursework.
This is pretty much what I imagined would happen if I went back to IT:
Now I don’t particularly like my face, but I didn’t want children running away from it, crying. Also, my arms are quite useful, as are my fingers and hands. Who wants to end up with T-Rex-like stumps? Not me. So now maybe you can kind of understand why I avoided it for so long.
The whole situation ended horribly. I became a nervous wreck and had a bit of a breakdown that resulted in a meeting with three members of staff and my mother who decided that I was completely ridiculous for avoiding the situation for so long, that it was pointless to even be meeting over this and that it would no longer be compulsory for me to do IT if it was causing me that much grief. It wasn’t that big a deal apparently. Yet somehow I’d managed to turn it into some huge issue, so huge that I confronted it only after I’d gone a bit mental.
Needless to say, it isn’t one of my proudest moments. It’s something I look back on and wonder how it happened and why I even gave a shit. I can laugh about it now but this is the kind of pointless and stupid situation I’ll often find myself in. This is kind of what happened with me and this blog. The one positive is that this time I didn’t go mental over it, I just got the guilts every time I saw the words Hasta La Vegan…which is quite a lot considering that it’s my username on Twitter.
My original reason for avoiding this blog is that honestly, I was having a crappy time. I was really sick, which I’ve already blogged about but recovery has been (and still is) ongoing. I lost a lot of things that meant a lot to me – Tantor, (the grumpiest and one of the best guinea pigs that has ever lived), Terk (who I had to make the difficult decision of rehoming and who is also the other best guinea pig to ever live), a dream job that I loved, which took a fair chunk of my confidence away, and finally a relationship with someone I considered a best friend that took the remainder of my confidence along with it. In fact, the only thing I didn’t lose at that point was some freakin’ weight!
R.I.P Tantor – The only photo I managed to get of him looking totally innocent ❤
Food and eating wasn’t a priority at the time, so I didn’t have much to blog about and I was on a total downer anyway so didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Things have improved since then. I lodge with some awesome vegans and 2 adorable cats. One of which is my new room mate and has a love of all boxes, big or small:
The smaller the box, the better
I also have a job. Not the dream job I wanted, but it’s a job. I’ve been thinking about blogging again for the last 4 months, but it’s not my style to get off my arse and just do it, I decided to feel bad about it and avoid the situation instead.
But here I am. I’m back and I’m determined to keep my blog going. I’m not going to promise regularity because I’m always busy, I work shifts and my life is all over the place these days. But, when I cook something great and have the time to spare, I’ll put it up on here.
So, I’m sorry I’ve been away. I realise one of my last posts was about how ill I was and I promised an update which I never gave, so I apologise if anyone worried over that. I have an amazing recipe for a Citrus Grape Cake that I’m going to post in the next few hours if that makes up for my months of abandonment.
Hopefully it does, keep your eyes peeled. If not, here’s a video that might just make up for it instead: